11 Months and in major denial.

Today was such an emotional day! I can't believe Endsley is going to be a year old in a short month. I keep telling myself that we have all of this time left but when I look back - this year has FLOWN by. Of course this next month will go just as fast as the others. I'm so happy with how my baby girl is growing by the minute but I wish, so very deeply wish, that I could press pause. Or rewind. Something! I keep hearing "just have another" but we're happy with our little family. And even if we did have another, that baby wouldn't replace Endsley. My very first born, growing up. It brings tears to my eyes.

All I want in the whole world is to be able to go back to when she was a newborn and do it again. I would in a heartbeat.

Birthday planning and crafting have taken over my life. The next month I know I will be a slave to it until it all gets done. It has seriously cut out any other hobbies I may have had. But it's fun and there's a thrill that comes over me when I find something else I can use at her party or finish a craft. I can't wait to put it all together. Part of me also can't wait for it to be over. It's so stressful! I joke that next year, Endsley will be lucky if she has a cake.

So Endsley, here's your part. What have you been doing this month?

For one, YOU SAID YOUR FIRST WORD! It was "hi" and it was the best greeting I have ever received from anyone, ever. I love hearing you say hi! I could listen to it all day long. And I do.

You love Sesame Street. It is easily your favorite show. Now that we've moved the TV out of the living room and into our bedroom, your eyes are GLUED to the screen when I turn on your favorite show for you.

You kiss me awake. I feel you when you wake up, but sometimes I just don't want to open my eyes quite yet! Well you take care of that by kissing me on the lips and giggling until I open my eyes. You also pat my cheeks to insure that I am aware of your presence.

You love sticking your hands in the toilet. It is one of your favorite things to do. I dare say that it even rivals Sesame Street. We've had to learn to shut the lid after we use the restroom. Otherwise I find you "washing your hands" in the bowl.

You climb into my nap and burrow your head into my chest when you want to nurse. You demand boobs!

You love to dance! Any music that comes on, even if its a commercial or my ring tone, you start dancing! I love it.

You stick your feet up to help put shoes and socks on.

You learned to climb... you climb the oven door. You climb onto the couch. You climb onto the ottoman. EVERYTHING. It scares the crap out of me.

Well Little Miss, you officially wear 12 month clothes exclusively. You still wear a size 3 diaper. You are 18 lbs and 8 oz as of April 27, 2012 and 29.5 inches tall.

I'm so looking forward to your birthday party.

Love you,
Mama

10 Months... getting closer to your birthday!

Little Endsley,

You are developing such a sassy personality! I love it! I love how much you interact with us now. You are just so much FUN! But can we please keep you this little? Please? No more growing up.

I am now slaving away making all of the decorations for your birthday party. Seriously. I am a slave to this stuff. Every night when you go to bed, I get out all of the craft materials and start making something else. Some nights I dread this. Some nights I love it. Currently I'm making all of the invitations for our friends and family. It is time consuming! Holy moly there are so many little parts. After I finished the very first one, I was ecstatic with the way they looked. They could not be cuter. While my hands hurt and I am getting less sleep than I used to, I'm so very glad that I am making everything on my own.

I think the best part about these invites was getting to take your photos for them. I made you a tutu, grabbed some props, and we took to you Old Settlers park to snap some photos for your invites. Man - was that fun! You were so smiley and pleased as punch to be the center of attention. Your Uncle Danny took the photos for us with his fancy schmancy camera. He did such an amazing job. I still wonder why he wont start his own business!

Don't worry, I have saved the tutu for you to look at one day. It's so poofy! You turned away from us at point and started crawling away and all we saw was a ball of pink tulle. It was funny!

So, aside from birthday preparations - what are you doing this month?

Well apparently you are doing a lot of growing up! Because sometimes you prefer to sleep ALONE! Since you were born you have always fallen asleep with me. Now you think you're hot stuff because you push me away and fall asleep in your crib. I cried! I love my baby snuggles. Luckily (I think?) for me, this only happened a handful of times. 

You also blow raspberries at us. I love it.

You try to dance. It is hilarious. You hear music and you kinda start bobbing along to it.

You also try and put your shoes on, but you can't quite get there yet!

You got your first balloon. Which is a really big deal considering there's a helium shortage and you may never actually see (or at least remember) what a balloon is. We got it after we walked to Sonic together.

You went to your first ever crawfish boil! But you were still a little too young to try any. Don't worry, next year I will definitely give you some!

You had your first Easter! You picked up a few eggs at the Easter Egg Hunts we went to and you loved it. Your Grandma Berry and Grandma Julie both got you your very own Easter basket filled with fun things! Grandma Berry got you some clothes, a bunny, and your daddy's favorite book from when he was little. Grandma Julie got your a duck and bunny puppet, some eggs, and toys. You loved them both.

We haven't had you measured or weighed this past month, but rest assured you're growing fabulously! You're still in a size 3 diaper and are wearing 9 and 12 month clothing.

Love you,
Mama

9 months?! How?!

Eeeeeek! I can't believe how BIG you are now!

Your birthday is getting closer and closer. I'm so excited for your big day to come, but of course I'm a little bit sad too. I don't want my little baby to grow up anymore! Luckily we still have a few more months to go. I finally figured out your theme...

... Cupcakes!

And I'm going to make all of the decorations (well, most) from scratch. It'll be a DIY party! I have a ton of ideas and I can't wait to see them come to life. It's going to be a fun celebration of our first year as a family and everything you have learned. I am so proud of you! It will be so nice to share the photos and notes of our journey together, so that I don't forget and so you will know.

So Pumpkin Pants - what'd you do this month?

Well... You have gotten really good at standing up! You can now cruise around the house so long as you have something to hold on to! Your favorite places to stand and cruise are the living room ottoman, couch, kitchen chairs, oven, and the windows. You can also grab my make up and hair brushes off of the bathroom counter. One fun day in particular occurred when you grabbed some lipstick off of the counter. Yes, I have photos and proof!

Instead of falling over a lot, you now lower yourself to sit down from standing. Thank God. It's made my life easier.

You still enjoy pulling all of the books and DVDs off of the entertainment center. Except now you can crawl onto it and sit down inside.

You learned how to wave bye-bye! And you now wave hello and goodbye without me prompting you. It's so cute!

You can let go of the ottoman (or whatever object you're using to stand up) and you balance for a few seconds on your own! You will be walking in no time.

We thought you were cutting your first molar - turns our you had an Epstein Pearl (calcium deposit) in your gum!

You learned to clap. You do it all the time now, especially when you get excited.

You started giving us kisses again. I'm really happy because I missed your cute, slobbery, baby kisses!

You can now play with your more advanced toys. You drop objects where they are supposed to go and look for them when they disappear.

You look UNDER things now. You pull blankets up, look under the couch, our bed, your crib. It's very cute.

You sit on your knees.

You make kissy noises.

You are adorable.

So - you are still in size 3 diapers. This particular size fits the widest range of weight apparently! You now wear 12 month size clothes but can still fit into your 9 month onesies. You are 20 inches tall and 17 lbs 15 oz.

P.S. Today is my birthday and the best present I got all day was being able to spend it with you.

Love,
Mama

8 Months and time is FLYING by...

Endsley,

Things have slowed down around our house a bit. Kinda. Not so many big events like holidays or birthdays - aside from your Uncle Danny's. And we have finally gotten into the groove of our new house. Life is good. So what have you been up to this past month?

Well you got your 4th tooth, your left incisor. They really all popped out one after another. You poor thing. It was rough, but we made it through!

We bought you a "big girl" car seat. I, for one, was very excited about this purchase. Since you're so tall, you were quickly going to hit the height limit on your infant car seat. So we set about finding you a new seat that would fit you now and later. Our biggest concern was keeping you rear-facing for as long as possible, since it is safer, and we didn't have any plans on forward-facing you at 1 year old. Luckily for us, Target was having an awesome sale and we found a car seat that we fell in love with! It'll keep you safe for years to come.

You pulled up to standing by yourself! And now you do it all the time. I'm afraid that you'll be walking in no time.

You took your first "crawl step" and a day later (literally) you were FULL ON crawling! You big girl! So now my days are spent trying to make sure you don't get into anything you're not supposed to be touching. Like all of the comic books and novels we have on the TV stand. That I have to move you away from constantly. I think after a week of moving you over and over again I gave up and let you tear down all of the books from the stand. You had a blast so it was a win-win situation.

My favorite part of this month?

You say "mama", "mum", "ma" and "mmmmm". You don't have a clue what you're saying, but that's okay. Because at least you didn't say "papa" first!

You still wear a size 3 diaper and 9 month clothes. We have an appointment with your GI doctor in a few weeks to see if you are free and clear of your dairy and soy allergies (I'm pretty sure you are!) so we'll see how big you are then!

Love you,
Mama

Endsley's Birth Story

My life began on June 11, 2011. That day (along with the day previous) will forever be cherished. It's the day that I got to meet my baby girl. It's the day that Chris and I became more than a couple, we became a family. There is no greater feeling than meeting your child.

Like a lot of new moms, I swore up and and down that I would have my baby naturally - zero medical interventions. That meant no epidural, no pitocin, no anything. I wanted to have her on my own.

Life had other plans.

On June 10th, I had (what would be last) doctor's appointment. I was miserable. I had been in early labor for weeks. I had been the hospital countless times. I had to have my contractions stopped twice. I was prescribed pain killers for my contractions so that I could at least sleep, which I was reluctant to take. But now that it was time for her to come out, she wouldn't. I was 100% effaced and had stalled out at 3 cm in dilation. After the incredible amount of contractions I was suffering through - I wanted to be progressing.

So I'm at the doctor's. I am pissed off. I am huge. I want my baby. Dr. Heyliger checks me to see if I had made any progress recently, she informs me that I am only dilated to a 1. WHAT?! No! I wanted to cry. The nurses who had checked me a few days earlier in triage had all told me that I was a 3! I didn't believe her. I completely ignored that I was supposedly only dilated to a 1.

Instead I asked if she would perform a membrane sweep. In all honesty, I was sure she would say no. We weren't exactly seeing eye to eye on most everything at this point in my pregnancy. I almost hated this woman.  I didn't even want her to deliver Endsley. I wanted Dr. Pearce to do it, he was the one I had been seeing up until recently. Well, to my surprise, she went for it!

For those of you who don't know what a membrane sweep is, it's when you have the amniotic sac pushed away from your cervix. This action can sometimes jump start labor without having to use pitocin. I was hopeful. It was pretty uncomfortable. Even Endsley squirmed in protest because Dr. Heyliger was messing with her head. But it was done quickly, thankfully. The doctor then asked me if I wanted to go ahead and schedule an induction date if this didn't work out. I hesitantly said yes, and set one up for June 20th, one day after my original due date of Father's Day.

I drove home and decided to take a nap. Or try at least. But first I had to go pee. This is when I felt the first gush of water come out, with a tinge of blood. I was told that this may happen and that the blood was normal from having my cervix messed with. So I tried to calm my fears and went to bed.

Luckily for me I passed out for a few hours. Chris was in San Marcos finishing packing up the rest of his old apartment. He had work that day, and only had about an hour to see me before he had to go to work. He woke me up and asked if I wanted to eat lunch with him before he left. Of course I said yes, I was constantly hungry. As I made my way out of the bed, I realized I was wet. I looked down and there was a big puddle of water in the middle of the bed. Oh crap.

I call Chris, who was already making his way down the hall, to come back into the room. I tell him that I'm pretty sure my water broke. He is not enthused. We had been to the Labor and Delivery so many times that it was annoying. He asked me if I was sure. I pointed to the bed. So we packed everything we needed, ate a quick lunch (chicken nuggets) and drove to the hospital. They tested me to see if it was my water that had broken - that test indicated that it hadn't.

I was stunned. I know I didn't pee myself. It SMELLED like amniotic fluid. I know the difference. But the test said otherwise. To this day, I feel like that test was wrong. To hell with that, I know that it was wrong. Whatever.

They decided to monitor me for a bit since I was having contractions, like always. It was suggested that I walk around the hospital. So we walked. For an hour. And then it was time to check me. The nurse who was working that day actually recognized me from our previous trip to Labor and Delivery. Lucky me. Because of this, she decided to keep me for another hour to see if anything changed. So we walked. For an hour. This time when I was checked I had made it! I was dilated to a 4! I was so happy. And then realization set in - we weren't leaving this hospital. We weren't going to go out and watch The Hangover 2 and have a nice dinner. We were going to have a baby. Holy. Shit.

So we grabbed our things, I sent Chris out to grab our hospital bags from the car, and we were walked down to our new room. Our new, big, fancy room. It was really nice. There was a big couch for Chris and family to sit on, a nice big bed for me, and a great TV.

I was comfortable. We called family to let them know we were having our baby sometime soon. We advised them to wait to visit until Chris called them later, when I was going to start pushing. Except for my mom and my brother. And his mom. They both came early.

Please excuse the fact that I looked like a beached whale.

At this point I was fine. My contractions were painful, but I was still talking my way through them. I was happy and energetic. A few hours pass, I am still dilating nicely. And then a nurse comes in and says that my doctor has ordered me to have an augmented birth. Augmented? I hadn't even heard the term until then. Apparently, I was to have my water broken and start pitocin simultaneously. I have NO IDEA why this was ordered. I still don't. I was progressing. Everything was fine. Why did we need to speed it up?

I'm not sure if it was me or Chris that agreed to have this done. I don't remember. But we agreed. I was hooked up to a pitocin bag while another nurse took what looked like a crochet needle and put it where the sun didn't shine. Gush! My water broke all over the place. And Endsley's heart rate plummeted.

My nurse looked panicked. I panicked. An oxygen mask was strapped to my face. I was turned over from side to side every few seconds. My stomach was massaged. I was told to breathe deeply. I was tearing up. I couldn't focus. This was all wrong.

And then her heart rate picked up. Things were normal. I told them to stop the pitocin, they had stopped it the second her heart rate dropped. No more pitocin.

The next few hours ... I'm not really sure what happened. I remember talking to Chris and his mom, trying to figure out why the hell my labor was augmented. I remember being upset, but trying to let that small hiccup go. I was refusing the epidural still. I had nurses ask me continuously when I wanted it. I didn't. Thanks. Then I felt a stabbing, rippling, total body pain that I had never experienced before. Every movement Endsley made was hell. There was no more cushion. The contractions wrapped around my entire body until I wanted to die. I gripped the railings of the bed and stopped talking. I breathed. I focused on my plan.

Chris stopped talking. His mom rubbed my back. This went on for a good while. The pain hit me over and over and over again. Until things really hit me - I wasn't enjoying this. At all. I always pictured my labor the way it started, lighthearted and fun. Where I was talking happily to my guests and excited. Currently I was curled around my bump, not speaking to anyone, barely breathing.

I got up. I walked around. I went to the restroom one last time. I withheld the urge to push. But I got the sensation. I understood where I was supposed to push, what muscles I needed to use. This was key. I am very glad that I waited as long as I did to get the epidural. It gave me a chance to understand what my contractions were.

Guess I spoiled that. I got the epidural. It took about a million times longer to place the needle because every contraction made me move. I couldn't stay in a ball like they wanted me to. I was almost breaking Chris's hand and he was holding me in the form the anesthesiologist needed me to be in. It was agonizing. I didn't feel anything in my back.

About 15 minutes later, I felt nothing at all. The contractions were gone. My labor was back where I wanted it to be. I made jokes. I felt good. I felt like things were in my control again. I could feel my legs, I could move them. The only difference was that I felt like I had a very nice and toasty blanket draped over my lower half. It was amazing. There wasn't even pressure with my contractions. I loved it.

Yep. I loved my epidural. Say what you will about medical interventions, they are a God-send.

I actually progressed faster after I got the epidural. In what felt like no time at all, it was time to push. I looked at Chris and was so nervous. I could tell he was too. We said our goodbyes to my brother and Chris's mom. I only wanted Chris and my mom in the room for support. I am so glad that Chris was happy to have my mom there. It was amazing to have both of them cheering me on.

At 12:15 am, June 11, I started to push. I couldn't feel my contractions, but I did get an urge to push. And because I had felt that feeling before I had an epidural, I knew exactly what I needed to do to get my baby out. We left the TV on. We forgot about our labor playlist. I don't even know what was on TV. I just wanted noise. I asked for water. I drank more water that day than I ever have in my entire life. My lips were dry. I was sweating. I could feel the blood rush to my head with every push.

Around 1 am, the doctor was called in. It was Dr. Pearce! The man I had wanted to deliver my baby was on call that night. I was so excited to see him. He cracked jokes the entire time he was there. A few pushes in, Endsley's head was almost out. He asked if I was okay with waiting to give my perineum time to stretch. I said of course. So we waited. He helped the stretching out a bit. And we waited some more. Then we decided, together, to push. And there she was! Her head was out! I pushed again, and my baby girl entered the world.

At 1:21 am, June 11, I finally met my baby girl. I still cry when I think about it. I cried harder than she did. She actually didn't cry at all for awhile. She was so alert. She just stared at me, and I stared back. Finally getting to hold my baby girl was the best feeling I have ever felt. There is no greater gift. No greater feeling. The moment that my life was complete.

7 Months

Dearest Endsley,

Here's what you're doing at 7 months!

You signed "thirsty" and wanted to nurse. This only happened once so far, but it was really cool to witness! You're so smart, the littlest things you do amaze me.

You got THREE top teeth! Right incisor, right central, and left central. You're working on number 4.

You went from laying on your tummy to sitting up all by yourself! You did it for the first time in the bathroom while I was getting ready. I think you were bored and wanted to try and leave ;)

Since you are now able to get up onto your hands and knees we had to move your crib mattress all the way down to its lowest level. This sucks. Mainly because you are basically in a big girl bed and it makes me sad. But also because Mama is very short and reaching allllllll the way down into your crib is TOUGH work! Especially when you are fussing and I'm trying to get you back to sleep.

You are wearing size 3 diapers and are wearing 9 month clothes. I don't know your measurements this month because we haven't had to take you to the doctor for anything! Yay! You are so healthy!

Now that we've covered your milestones... Let's get around to talking about that super awesome day that everyone gave you presents!

Christmas.

Oh my, Christmas is always interesting in our family. Even more so with a baby this year. Everyone wanted to see us and everyone wanted to spend time with you on your first Christmas. You got SO many toys, we could hardly keep up! We weren't expecting to get as much as we did, and we are so blessed to have a family that loves us and one that we love back.

Endsley I wish I could remember your first Christmas for the rest of my life. We took photos and video so that we can look back and remember it, and for you to be able to watch one day! You were so happy and loved all of the extra attention you were getting. It was the sweetest thing to be able to experience.

We spent Christmas Eve with my mom, your Grandma Julie, because she had to leave the very next day to Mexico! We were all sad, but we had a great time hanging out with them. We ate a lot of yummy food and you got to try some too!

Christmas Day was interesting! First, we all woke up early and watched you open your presents. You loved watching and helping me take the wrapping paper off of your presents! After presents were open and you were happily playing amongst them on the floor, I set out to the kitchen to make some yummy treats to bring to our family. We went to your Grandma and Grandpa Berry's house first. Your Grandma go you a neat sign with your name on it for your room. And you got a bunch of UT onesies and shirts. Your favorite present from them was a pink toothbrush that came in your stocking.

After we ate and played around with your grandparents we went to visit my dad and his family! There were a lot more people there. You were in such a good mood all day and got to eat so much food. We were even blessed enough to be able to watch our favorite football team, the Greenbay Packers, WIN the game that they were playing that afternoon. After the game, we opened more presents. I think your favorite was the stuffed Panda Bear that your Grandpa Ed got for you. You smiled REALLY big and screamed and laughed at the panda. It was so sweet.

I will always look back on your First Christmas fondly. You are such a good little girl. I don't know what we did to have been blessed with you.

6 months!

I cannot believe you're six months old today. I remember thinking that December was so, so far away. It's bittersweet. I am so happy that you are growing older, and even more excited that you are going to experience your first Christmas. But this is the halfway mark. In 6 more months you're doing to be a whole year old! The thought makes me want to cry. My Christmas wish this year? For the next six months to go by as slowly as possible.

We've done a bunch of stuff this month! We are working on getting out house together. I think it looks really well put together so far. I love it. I wish I could spend all of our money on decorations - especially Christmas decorations! We don't have much in the way of Christmas deco. But what we do have is really cute.

Speaking of cash, I have been slaving away with the launch of my new Etsy site! Best business decision I have made this year. I have made enough extra income to buy Chris a really great Christmas present and have spending cash for Endsley's gifts too. I got him an Xbox! How exciting is that? I guess I should tell y'all what I make. Baby leg warmers! Cute right? And totally easy. It's been tough work, and the orders are piling up the closer we get to Christmas. Hopefully things will slow down after the holidays because man! my hands hurt!

What I am super excited about though is buying Endsley her first Christmas gifts. My dad has bought her soooo many toys! I'm not sure what there is left to buy! My mom and the entire rest of my family (Uncles included) are all buying Endsley gifts too. We are so blessed to have such an amazing family. This baby will never be without toys and clothing!

I know I didn't write a Thanksgiving post. I have been so busy with Esty and Endsley that blogging has been near impossible. So I'm going to do that now. Please don't hate me for the extraordinarily long post.

Holidays have always been interesting since my parents divorced, remarried, and I started dating Chris. You know that movie "Four Christmases"? Terrible movie, but we basically have the same thing going on. If Chris's parents were to ever divorce - our life would be that movie. For every holiday, we celebrate three times. It's kind of ridiculous and it's always been stressful, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Well this year, we have a baby to add to the mix. If I thought that holidays were stressful before, I know have a child in tow that requires naps, extra outfits, diapers, wipes, toys, food, etc. The biggest thing I was (and still am) worried about is naps.

Babies need naps. Naps aren't this magical gift that just happen. Not with my kid anyway. They take planning, boobs, and hard work. So I was pleasantly surprised to find that as long as my boobs were around, she napped beautifully, even if she wasn't at our house. I'm not sure why I was so shocked - we lived at my dads for the first four months of her life. And luckily we celebrated with Chris's family so early in the day that a nap wasn't necessary. Yippee!

Nap time at my dad's. Boob time.

What did suck about Thanksgiving this year was not being to eat. I'll thank my super awesome dairy and soy free diet for that one. I wish so badly I had offered to host Thanksgiving at my house this year. At least that way I would have made everything and I would have been able to eat it all. Instead I made pies for everyone's house and then forget them at home. Ha! Mommy brain for you. Chris's house was torture. I couldn't eat anything there and it was my first stop of the day. Luckily my dad fried the turkey at his home in peanut oil - so I gorged myself there. After stopping by at my dad's (which is always my favorite stop) I met up with my mom and her best friend plus their families for my last Thanksgiving of the day. My mom made me special dairy and soy free food. Gotta love moms. Always planning ahead.

All in all it was a really great holiday. Aside from having to carry my gigantic diaper bag with a days worth of baby stuff. I'm excited to see what next year will be like!

And now for the part of my entry that's just for you, Endsley. Here is what this month was like in our home!

Your "official" 6 month photo.

• You rocked on your hands and knees for the first time. Belly off the ground and everything. My jaw dropped! You haven't showed any interest in crawling. I thought you would be walking first!
• I painted your toes for the first time. I freaked out about all of the chemicals in there and felt really bad about doing it. And then I had the dilemma of taking it off because nail polish remover is even worse. But I found out that toothpaste and perfume take nail polish off so I used those! Feel free to laugh at me when you read this. 

• You got your second tooth! Finally. I thought it was going to come in right after the first one but it decided to take it's sweet time. Those three weeks were terrible. You were in so much pain! Now you look even cuter. I am not sure how it's possible but it happens everyday. 
• You decided that biting me while you nurse is the cool new thing to do. It hurts so bad! You started doing it with the impending arrival of your first and second teeth. Now that they're over with, you're done biting. Thank. God. 
• Because of the biting and the dairy/soy allergies, I tried to wean you onto formula. And bottles. Have I mentioned how much you hate bottles? And formula? That day was so hard. Yes, day. I only tried for one day and gave up because it was so heart breaking! I love nursing you. 
• We made salt dough ornaments for your grandparents. They turned out so cute. You really liked sticking your feet and hands into the dough. It was fun to make them!

• You overturned a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips that you found on the couch and decided to eat them. You loved them.
• You also did this with some sugar cookies I left in the living for your papa and his friend. We found you walking around in your Jeep with a bunch of crumbs all over you and a cookie fragment in your tiny fist.

• We took really cute Christmas photos of you. 

• You have learned how to use a sippy! And you can also feed yourself (kinda). I am amazed by how much your dexterity improves everyday! 

• You balanced yourself on the ottoman in our living room. As in, you were standing up by yourself. That was amazing. You're so little still!
• We finally got you a high chair.
  

• Grandma taught you how to make piggy noises! It is the funniest thing ever!

• You tried your first banana.

This month has truly been amazing. I feel like you have grown so much! Ready to see the stats? At six months you are 27 inches long (in the 90th percentile!), 15 lbs 15 oz, and have a head circumference of 16 inches. You are long and lean baby! Depending on the onesie, your arms are too long for most of your long-sleeved 0-3 month onesies. I can still squeeze you into the short sleeved ones. And you are still wearing a size 2 diaper because you are a skinny minnie! I feel like you're super chunky and adorable though. Can't wait to see what you do this next month!

Stationery card

Wishes Of Love Christmas Card

Seasons greetings with personalized Christmas cards from Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

5 months! Almost half way there.

This might be a long post. SO much has happened this past month, it's been really hard to keep up with it all. Luckily, things have been really looking up for us as a family. It's so nice to finally have a bit of good luck.

The biggest news?

...

We got our own house!!! (Bet you thought I was gonna say I was pregnant again. Wrong.) Let me just say that I cannot be more excited about this. We finally have a home for our little family. I loved living with my parents, I did. My dad was very kind and more than generous to open his doors for us and welcomed our new family wholeheartedly. I will definitely miss living there. There was always someone around to talk to, and to watch Endsley while I ran to grab a shower.

That said, I am a little nervous to have a house all to myself. I say myself because Chris works for most of the day. I am worried that I wont be able to be a parent to Endsley alone. I know I'll do it, and do it well, but the thought is daunting. Since she was born I've always had help! I am blessed and spoiled.

Moving was pretty uneventful. I somehow managed to pack all of our belongings by myself. Pat on the back for that one! We're still getting things set up, but I am very proud of the progress we've made.

Did I ever mention that we finally figured out what was wrong with Endsley? I'm not even sure if I ever mentioned that we were having issues. If I have, then I am very sorry. Here's a quick recap: Endsley has had blood in her stool, mysterious body rashes, and upset stomach for as long as I can remember. She was diagnosed with salmonella (to my absolute horror) and figured that her symptoms would go away with time. They didn't. And salmonella didn't really encompass all of the symptoms she had. Turns out she has an allergy to dairy and soy! So I am now on a dairy and soy free diet.

It's been two weeks since I've started this new diet. It is NOT easy to do at first. Everything, literally everything, had dairy and/or soy in it. So all of the food I eat is fresh. Nothing can be pre-made. Not even pasta sauce! This has led me to eat an incredibly healthy mix of foods. It really wasn't easy at first, I hated it. All I wanted was a piece of chocolate. Luckily for me, I found out that you can still enjoy all of those awesome cookies (and even chocolate), all of the recipes just need a little tweaking. Since this discovery, things haven't been as hard.

On the bright side, I have dropped a ton of weight. I'm skinnier now than I was before I got pregnant! Yippee! On the down side, none of my clothes fit now. I need to go shopping.

Eh, I guess this isn't as long as I thought it would be!

Alright Endsley, onto your part of the story.

At 5 months you are:

• Eating food! We started out with oatmeal and then you got some apples, carrots, and green beans. You LOVE to eat! I can't get the food to you fast enough.

• So it's really good that you now have a tooth! You got your first tooth November 1st. We are eagerly (me especially) waiting on the arrival of your second tooth. It's so close!
• You're still working really hard on sitting up. You can't do it on your own quite yet, but you can stay up with a little help from a pillow or if I set you on the couch. 

• Have I mentioned that you are in LOVE with your feet? They're your new chew toys! I don't know why I bother buying you teething rings. 

• You still love to stand and pretend that you're all grown up. Which is why your grandma bought you a little Jeep so you can walk around the house! You're getting pretty good at moving in that thing. You love it so much. I can tell you like to be independent!
• You're still working on crawling as best you can. You scoot a few inches here and there. You love to move those little legs!

• You had your very first Halloween! You were a little ballerina and so was I. We walked around the neighborhood with your god mother and my mom. You liked the lights. We got some candy, but since you're a baby and I'm on this crazy soy and dairy free diet, it's just sitting in the pantry! I was so very excited for your first Halloween, but I can't wait until next year when you kind of have a handle on what's going on. You're going to be so excited! There's nothing more fun than Halloween. 

Well little girl, since we figured out why you had all of those tummy troubles, we actually haven't been to the doctor in awhile! So I don't know how much you weigh or how tall you are this month. Promise I'll have this update for you next month. I do know that you're still wearing your size 2 disposables and that your cloth diapers are getting more and more snug. I can still fit you in your 0-3 month onesies, depending on what store they're from. But you are getting so tall! I love you baby. 

4 months!

Endsley, stop growing.

I'm going to say it every day for the rest of my life. I love this little baby! I don't want her to grow up.

Yet here you are:

Being freaking adorable and all grown up.

Here's what you're doing this month:

• You're sitting up! Not totally on your own yet, but if I put you in a chair you sit just like a little lady. For a few seconds. You're definitely getting the hang of it though! I love it.
• You have definitely developed your own personality. You're "spicy" as your dad calls it. You have an attitude. If you don't like something - you definitely let us know. Mainly though, you are just as happy as you can possibly be!

• You eat everything. Everything goes in your mouth. Doesn't matter what it is. Goes in the mouth.
• You roll over from back to belly and from belly to back like a pro. Except for awhile there, you were pretty content on your belly so you didn't roll over to your back for a long time. Even when you got mad.

• You scoot backwards! If I put you on the floor, you slowly inch your way farther and farther back. It's so exciting watching you move.

• You mimic us. Which is how you learned to stick your tongue out. Oops!!
• You give "arms" for us. If you're in your chair or on the floor, you stick your arms up for someone to pick you up. You also do it if I'm carrying you and you get tired of me. Or if someone else is carrying you and you want to go to me, you give me arms. It is heartwarming.

You are 14 lbs and 0.5 oz and almost 25 inches tall. You're still slowly growing out of your 0-3 month clothes and into larger sizes. You wear a size 2 diaper now and I have had to move the snaps over on your cloth diapers. (Gross! Hehe, did I not mention that we cloth diaper?) You are getting so big. Your personality is amazing, watching you blossom into your own little person is the best thing ever.

3 Months Old!

Endsley, baby girl, today you're 3 months old! I'll be saying this every month until you're 1, and every year after, but I cannot believe how fast time is flying. You're SUCH a big girl! I swear you think you're all grown up. Please do mommy a favor and slow down. If I can impart one piece of advice to you, it would be to stay a child for as long as you can and savor every minute of it.

Here's what you're doing this month:

• You are LAUGHING! Full blown belly laughs. You laugh at everyone. Especially your Papa and your Uncles, you think boys are funny! Of course you wouldn't do it on camera...

• You can roll over! You're still getting the hang of it. But when you get tired of being on your tummy you just move your head, kick your legs, and roll over to your back. It sounds easier than it really is. It takes you awhile but you get better every time you do it.

• You scoot yourself in full circles. You kick your legs back towards you and then you push them out. You end up moving yourself all over the place. It's pretty impressive.
• You have a new love for the show Yo Gabba Gabba, you seriously go into a trance when we turn it on. Wanna know a secret? I love it too.

• See yourself up there? Kicking your legs furiously? Well you learned how to SPLASH in the tub! You love bath time so much. I didn't know babies could make such big waves but you have perfected the art.
• You also fart in your sleep... But i promise I won't share that with any future boyfriends or girlfriends. Cross my heart.

• You grab everything. Hair, clothes, toys, everything. You have stuffed animal friends (like Yoshi) that you hug and you love anything that rattles or makes noise.

• You are 13.2 lbs, 24.5 inches tall, and are in size 2 diapers@ You are outgrowing your 3mo onesies and are moving onto 3-6mo and 6mo clothes! You're in the 75th percentile for your weight and 90th for your height. We cannot wait to see what you'll surprise us with next mama!

Recap of the ... Month.

Sorry to say, but I am kind of doing a horrible job living up to my promise of posting blogs more frequently. I read somewhere that if you do something for 21 days, it becomes a habit. Currently I'm trying to do this with running. I think I mentioned this in my last blog. But if I didn't - I'm getting back into running! And it's going really well.

I tried using the Couch to 5k App but found that I largely ignored when I was told to run and when I was told to walk. Once I get into a good running groove, I'm not about to stop and power walk. C'mon. So I've just been running and walking at my own leisure and it's working out great. My first day I ran a whole mile! I didn't think I would last that long. My little mile felt like a whole marathon to me. I would have jumped up and down in sheer joy when I made it back home if my legs weren't about to fall off.

All of this running deserves a reward though, right? Right. So I decided to go to Plato's Closet (my favorite thrift store) with my mom and Endsley this week. I found a pair of True Religion skinny jeans that I was certain were too small and were going to leave me with a terrible muffin top. Apparently I am way to harsh on myself. They fit perfectly.

So I am ecstatic at this point because I have been dying for a pair of nice jeans. My mom is trying stuff on so I take Endsley and sit down on the little bench they have in front of the dressing rooms. And then Endsley gets really quiet. And then I feel her tensing up. And then I hear a very loud fart and she definitely just pooped. This sucks because I forgot my wipes at home. There's a Target next door so I figured I would pay for my jeans and walk on over there to buy wipes. I am about two seconds away from getting up when I feel something warm and wet running down my thigh. Endsley is peeing through her diaper! I grab a burp rag and clean the bench and notice that it's not just pee, there's bright green poo too.

Dear readers, there is no bathroom in this store.

With my mom, we manage to pay for our things and high tail it over to Half Price Books where, luckily, they have a bathroom. Yay! I'm holding Endsley in the classic "must not touch diaper for fear of more fluids leaking out" hold. The plan is to give Endsley a bath. Amazingly, this particular bathroom has a huge sink and nice smelling soap. The water is nice and warm. The hard part is getting Endsley under the water without touching ANYTHING because we're in a public restroom and that is gross.

So I grab a million paper towels and wrap her in them and then lay her down on the other two million paper towels that I used to protect her from the gross diaper changing station. This has worked! Endsley is clean! During her bath, someone tried opening the door three times. And now she wants to nurse. Like right now. Boob time.

When we're finally done, I open the door and see the woman who has been trying to open the door to the bathroom the entire time that I'm in there. She was probably on the verge of peeing herself. I lift Endsley up and smile apologetically at the woman, she is not pleased. This is probably the meanest looking old lady that I have ever encountered. I'm not sure why she was so upset, you'd think she would understand considering she was probably wearing diapers herself.

That was mean.

I guess I should warn you, though you've probably figured this out on your own by this point, that this post is not going to flow together nicely and it's going to largely consist of all of the random stories that I have wanted to post but haven't gotten around to it.

That said - I cut my hair! Two weeks ago... Everyone asked me "Oh is this your mommy cut?" No. It's not. It's my "The high is 108 today so I decided that having less hair is way more beneficial for me." Did I convince any of you?

Okay I'm sorry but Endsley is being really cute and I'm super distracted by her right now. I'm ending my post. I'll get around to posting another tomorrow for Endsley's 3 month update!

Just keep swimming...

Guess what! Endsley went swimming for the first time today :) and momma got to wear a bikini for the first time since last summer. Same bikini, I haven't had time to go shopping. And it's like September. I'm not gonna buy one now.

(Sorry for not giving you time to guess.)

Little miss wasn't entire sure about the water. She loved changing into her swimsuit. But once I put her in the water I got this bland baby. She didn't laugh, she didn't cry, she didn't make any face whatsoever. Totally blank. It was like she was a pod person. It really threw me off because she LOVES baths. You'd think she would love all water. Nope. Dumb assumption.

Put her in a pool and you get an empty shell of a being.

You'd think with the adorable swim diaper and even cuter swimsuit, she would be all smiles. And she was! Who wouldn't smile when they were wearing a hot pink one piece with an adorable pineapple on the front and ruffles on the sides? I know I would. I'd smile so hard.

And so did Endsley. She continued to be her normal, happy self up until I put her in the water. I stood her up in the shallow end. And then I got this:

What IS that face?!

Maybe the water was too cold. Or maybe we screwed up by not bringing her bath toys. I'm not entirely sure. But that face stuck around the entire time we were in the pool.

I, however, had a lot of fun in the water! A lot more fun than Endsley did. Is that sad? I loved watching her reaction to the water, staring at the reflections of light in the pool, and trying to figure out what in the world we were doing. I also loved the water. I hadn't been swimming all summer since I was a giant whale. It felt awesome to be in a big pool again.

After about 20 or so minutes I decided it was time to change her back into her regular clothes and have some boobs (milk). Except no one calls it milk anymore. Chris, along with myself and my mother, now call it boobs. "Endsley, do you want some boobs?" Don't ask me how it got started. I honestly don't know. But Endsley eats boobs. I really hope she never picks that up when she starts talking...

Up until this point in time, we were alone at the pool. It only makes sense that someone would come into the pool when I'm trying to feed my child some boobs. In comes a woman in her late 50's and her son, who is MR. This makes for an interesting feeding session. The woman is clearly all kinds of pissed off that I'm breastfeeding out in public. I mean, I wasn't just hanging everything out there for the world to see. I had my nursing cover and a towel draped over us. Maybe she didn't want to explain to her son why there was a baby underneath a blanket? I dunno.

Whatever the reason - this woman decided to stare. me. down. The entire time I was feeding Endsley. Literally. I think we accidentally locked eyes at least twice. '

Let me say this again, I was NOT showing anything off here. The look I was getting from this woman wasn't the kind where she was just trying to figure out what I was doing or trying to catch a glimpse of Endsley. This was a "you need to go somewhere else, now" kind of look.

Chris went over to this last and said hello, she completely ignored him. It was so weird. I felt like we were intruding on her personal pool. Luckily Endsley finished eating and fell asleep so we could leave.

It was beyond weird. Other than that, the pool was really nice! Endsley stayed asleep for hours after our pool time. It was amazing. Suddenly, I'm starting to wish we went to the pool everyday.

Wishing it would rain...

What is it now? The millionth day without rain? I haven't seen it rain since Endsley was two weeks old. And even then it was like a ten minute shower. I'm watching the news right now and the weather map is still blood red. It literally looks like we live in hell. The map was white when they were showing the highs from today... 61 days that we've been over 100 degrees.

And here is the main reason why this is terrible: today I saw a fire take out too many homes about 20 minutes from where I live. I was at HEB whenever we saw the smoke and fire. It was awful. The air was thick and smelled like smoke. A soldier was walking past us and let us know that we needed to cover Endsley's mouth and nose before we walked out to our car.

We saw helicopters and planes flying over the fire and dropping water over it. But the smoke was still black and thick.

Thanks to Virginia G. for the picture.

You hear stories about fires happening in other states or cities hours away, but it is so scary when you actually see it for yourself. Especially when you have your child with you. I can only pray for the families that have been displaced that their homes and family members are safe. Please pray for them as well.

On a happier note - I'm posting blogs again! This is due in part to Endsley finally taking naps again. Did you know that babies can go a very long time without sleeping? I sure didn't. And it sucked. I had a very crabby baby!

Over the weekend I finally got to see my best friend Megan. It has been way too long. I love that girl to death! She came with me to Babies 'R' Us and helped me buy a new pack&play that I am completely in love with. Endsley can now sleep on her tummy in our room! She has her own little bed that pulls up right next to ours. Yay! I promise to post pictures of it sometime soon.

Chris also bought an awesome new jogging stroller so my butt can get back into shape. I haven't gotten to try it out yet but he went on a run with Endsley last night and he really enjoyed it. What did I do while my family was away? I took pain killers for my shoulder and soaked in the tub. Yes, it was amazing. Aside from feeling incredibly out of it from the pills. Hopefully it wont hurt that bad again anytime soon.

I really want to sign up for a 5k soon. There are a bunch coming up in the Fall. I feel that I could get into shape by then. I mean 3 miles is nothing! I used to run so much more... I miss it. I need to do this. It's good to have goals right?

Favorite picture of the day (can you tell I'm ready for colder weather?):

Endsley and her new Winter hat at the mall.

Endsley is 2 months!

Endsley Berry is 2 months old today! Unfortunately that also means that she got her shots today. I have been dreading, and I cannot emphasize that word enough, today for weeks now. Of course I know that getting her vaccinated is the best thing for her but ugh - why can't they make vaccines in drop form?? One of her vaccines was by mouth. So clearly we have the ability. Let's make ALL of them that way so that I don't have to watch my baby girl hurt. Thanks. But she's all smiles today!

So there she is! Doesn't even look like she got poked today. My little trooper.

Endsley here is what you're doing at 2 months:

- You're smiling and laughing!

- You have found your voice! You talk to papa just about every chance you get. You talk to me too, but not even half as much. You are very clearly a daddy's girl. We love hearing you talk so much.

- You've gotten over your fussy period before bedtime! And you have a bedtime! You go to sleep at 1:30 am and wake up around 1:00 pm. You still wake up to feed but your longest stretch of sleep lasts about five and a half hours.

- You are teething which means you are a drool machine. I should probably buy you more bibs.

- You blow spit bubbles.

- You have discovered your hands and suck/chew on them whenever you feel it's necessary. You still hate paci's.

- You stick your tongue out. This is completely my fault because when we play "monkey see monkey do" I stick my tongue out at you A LOT and so naturally, you copy mama. It's okay. I think it is absolutely adorable.

- You pick your head and shoulders up off of the floor whenever we're having tummy time. You also kick like nobody's business. You actually scoot yourself along a few inches!

- You ROLLED OVER from your back to your tummy three weeks ago! You haven't done it since, but I believe in you.

- You love to stand up. There are times when I barely have to support you. You straighten your entire back and neck and push, push, push with your legs. Sometimes your face shakes with the effort that you're making. It's hilarious and you love doing it.

- You can raise one eyebrow just like your papa and I can! I love when you make this face.

- You are currently 11 lbs 15 oz (I say 12 pounds when people ask) and are 23" tall. Your head is 15" around. You wear size 0-3 months and they are getting snug! Same with your diapers. You're still in size 1 but you could go into a size 2 easily.

Little nugget you have grown like a weed! We can't believe how big you are. You make us so happy in ways that we could have never imagined. I love watching you become your own little person and interact with us more and more.

Happy August!

Remember when I used to blog? Me too.

I don't know what happened to the last few weeks of my life. I feel like I fell asleep and woke up in August. Geez. Okay! So I'll be writing a lot more this month. Promise.

And they wont be super lame posts like this one.

Yay!

The Lobby

Man, I have been meaning to write about last Friday for awhile now! But my weekend was all kinds of hectic and on top of all that, Endsley has her first cold. To say that I'm busy is an understatement. Luckily Endsley isn't running a fever and her main symptom is that she's restless and fussy. Which means mama has no hands to type! Chris put her on her tummy time mat and she is all sorts of happy while she looks at herself in the mirror. Baby is a little vain... but I wont say who she got it from ;)

On to the story!

Last week my mom told me that it was time for her six month follow-up for an abnormal mammogram she had. Needless to say, she was worried. Of course I would be too. So I offered to go with her to try and take her mind off of what we were doing. Friday morning, she comes to pick Endsley and I up from our house. My diaper bag is packed to the brim with extra onesies, bibs, diapers, wipes, etc. I hate packing so much - but it is literally impossible not to when you have a newborn.

We get to the clinic around 10:00 am and on my way in, I have my first encounter with a woman who wanted to talk to me about Endsley. I take her up in conversation and we chat for a bit about how wonderful babies are, her little milestones, weight, mom stuff. Not five minutes later, another woman comes up to me and we have the same conversation. And then another. And another. Okay, I understand, babies are cute and I have one. This is the role I am destined to play until she's a teenager and no one takes interest in us anymore.

I get a break for about ten minutes when an old man in his 70's comes up to us and we begin the same conversation I have just had with four other people. Then he touches Endsley's hands. My entire being cringed. This is the first time that a stranger has touched my baby. And she is only four (almost five) weeks old. It's bad enough that a stranger touched her, but it is a stranger in a medical clinic, which makes everything a million times worse.

Grandma to the rescue! She grabs a handful of hand sanitizer and bathes Endsley's hands in it. Crisis averted. Call us crazy - but little girl hasn't had any of her shots yet. I'm not taking any chances.

Right now it's about 10:30 and my mom finally gets called back to start her mammogram. This is about the time when Endsley gets hungry. Now, dear readers, Endsley is breastfed. She gets a bottle of expressed milk when Chris and I go out on dates and such, but other than that she is on the boob. This gets kind of tricky when you're in public. Especially when the gender ratio of the room suddenly shifts so that there are way more males than females. Which is exactly what happened.

I grab my nursing cover and drape it over us, whip out the boob, and pray that Endsley doesn't flail her arms around so that she pulls the cover off. Well - that's exactly what happened. And I'm pretty sure the guy sitting across from me totally saw my boob. I fix the cover and try again, this time Endsley cooperates and we are good to go! No one is talking to me, or touching Endsley, everything is wonderful.

Then a woman sits down next to me. She made me completely lose faith in the Texas public education system when she said "You know, it's funny how you can tell a kids personality when they're so young. By kindergarten I could tell who was going to grow up to be a slut and who would do drugs."

Guess who is going to private school?

Endsley, passed out in my lap with her first cold.

Never Say Never...

What's it like to take everything you said you would never do and manage to undermine yourself in one month? It's a little amazing - and pretty funny when it comes down to it. Lately, I have crossed off quite a few things I said I would never do as a parent.

10) I will never lick my thumb and clean my child's face with it.

Yeah this one was crossed off on Day One. I don't really consider myself to be a germaphobe by any means, but I always thought that was so gross. Seriously. How is spit any better than whatever is on that kids face? Well when it's my spit - it is infinitely better than whatever foreign substance was on my daughter's face!

9) I will never put my finger in a diaper to check if its dirty.

Dipping your finger into the unknown crevices of a diaper is something that only a parent is willing to do. But it is slightly better than...

8) Picking a booger out of someone else's nose.

Endsley is still too small to figure out how to blow her nose. So when something is blocking her airway, it's mom to the rescue.

7) I will never use my clothing as a napkin.

You would think that with all of the burp rags and little towels we have around the house specifically for Endsley, this wouldn't be an issue. Yeah... think again. So far I have used my shirts (and pants) to catch spit up, pee, and poop. Spit up happens fairly often, and even with my burp rag ready and waiting, it manages to find my clothing more often than not. This may be a new mom thing. It could be something that happens less frequently with time. For now - I am the human burp rag.

Oh and as for the pee and poop... even little girls can tag you with their pee. And newborn poop flies like no other. At least I have mastered the diaper changes. It's been two weeks since my last disaster.

6) I will never update my Facebook status with my dilation progress.

This one was more for when I was pregnant, but hey, I was a parent while I was pregnant too! Before I was pregnant, I couldn't believe that people would post that on Facebook. I always thought, God that's disgusting. Don't you realize that is a part of you I don't wanna think about? Even though I was ecstatic for my friends - I really didn't want to see it on my Newsfeed. Too bad no one tells you that when you're the one that's about to have their baby, you have endured so many things by that time that nothing is TMI! (And never will be again).

Speaking of Facebook:

5) I will never incessantly post photos of my baby.

Guilty. Yes, I happen to think that my baby is the cutest thing to ever appear on this planet.

4) I will never be one of those parents that thinks their child is "so advanced for their age!"

This one always drove me nuts. I rolled my eyes whenever I would see "Omg my baby is so advanced for her age! She can do x, y, and z. Etc, etc." With a few child development and child psychology classes under my belt, I immediately discredited most of the milestones that friend's children had reached. Now that I'm a mommy - to hell with those classes! My baby IS advanced!

3) I will never ask a pregnant woman, "Are you ready for this?"

Ugh... shame, shame, shame on me! I HATED being asked this question when I was pregnant. And now I'm as guilty as ever. This question makes it sound like I don't enjoy being a mom, when it is the exact opposite. I adore being a mom to Endsley! But sometimes you hear things that first-timers say and part of you goes, "Just wait." So now I understand why I got that stupid question while I was pregnant. I still feel bad for asking it.

2) I will never breastfeed in public.

This is a very controversial issue here in the United States. I remember seeing a woman breastfeed her infant in the middle of a restaurant while I was pregnant with Endsley and wishing that she would cover up. The thought ran across my mind before I could stop it. This came from someone knowing that breastfeeding is natural, knowing that it is the best thing for a baby.

On comes the day when I'm in Target buying groceries and Endsley has a full meltdown. Nothing can console this kid! I pick her up out of her car seat, I rock her, I "shhhh" her, I try using my finger as a paci (she won't take a real paci)... and nothing works. I know she's hungry. But I also know that I left my nursing wrap at home. So with my screaming child in my ear, I head to the baby section in the store and pull out my boob. In retrospect I could have gone to the dressing rooms at least. Like I said, screaming child in my ear. I wasn't thinking all that clearly. And the baby aisle was much closer than the dressing rooms.

Lucky for me, my mom was with me. She found a nursing wrap in one the aisles and threw it over us. Amazingly, I couldn't have cared less at that point. My baby needed to eat and I fed her.

1) I will never have kids.

Ha!

One Month

Today Endsley is one month old! And I can't help but think, "Where did this month go?" Is this what happens when you have kids? I feel like days have turned into hours, and while I could not be happier that my little girl is a whole month old, I'm already sad that she will never be this small again.

I have always, always, always been in a rush. Never have I been patient. Never have I truly enjoyed life in the moment. I have always looked forward to a later date. When I first found out I was pregnant - I already wanted to have a big bump to show off. When I finally had the bump, I wanted to have my daughter. The first week of her life I wanted her to be older so that things would be easier. And I guess now that she hit her first little milestone, it's finally starting to hit me. My life is starting to go by too quickly. I suddenly find myself wanting these days to last longer.

So Endsley, while you're taking your billionth nap of the day, I'm going to take some time to write down everything I can about your first month:

You were the most alert baby I have ever seen. The day you were born, I finally got to see a miracle. The day you were born, I cried harder than you did. The day you were born, you spent hours looking around at the new blurs of color that constituted your papa and I. We couldn't believe how long you were awake for. The day you were born, you were already holding your head up for a few seconds at a time. The day you were born, you impressed every nurse in Labor and Delivery by how well and how much you nursed. They called you "The Barracuda".

Papa and I couldn't take our eyes off of you, and I cried when the nurses had to take you to the nursery for your first bath and shots. I only let you go to the nursery twice, I couldn't stand to be away from you. I even slept propped up on my bed so that I could fall asleep holding you, but still be able to look like I had been awake if a nurse popped in.

We were all so excited (and nervous) to bring you home for the very first time. I had you in a dress and pink rose headband that my sorority sisters had given you at your baby shower. Chris and I were so nervous to strap you into your carseat that first time, you were so little. We drove home slower than we had ever driven. Your daddy stared down every car that got too close!

You were (and still are) such an easy baby. You eat, sleep, and poop. And you couldn't care less where you're sleeping! But you always prefer to be in our arms, you sleep best that way. By the way, you snore! I had never heard of a baby snoring, but it is the cutest thing I have ever heard. Every day you are more and more alert. You stare at things with such an intense look on your face. This past week you have started to recognize your papa's voice. Yesterday you even cried for him to hold you, and the second he did, you fell asleep.

You get stronger with every passing day. Your kicks propel you forward. So much so that I have to make sure there isn't anything for you to kick off of when I feed you. You move your head from side to side and hold it up for so long, you seem like you're a much older baby! You grasp onto my shirts, necklaces, and hair when you nurse. And you make piggy noises whenever you get frustrated.

Little girl, this past month has gone by too quickly. You have grown so much. But this past month has been, by far, the best time of my life.

I love you,
Mama