Never Say Never...

What's it like to take everything you said you would never do and manage to undermine yourself in one month? It's a little amazing - and pretty funny when it comes down to it. Lately, I have crossed off quite a few things I said I would never do as a parent.

10) I will never lick my thumb and clean my child's face with it.

Yeah this one was crossed off on Day One. I don't really consider myself to be a germaphobe by any means, but I always thought that was so gross. Seriously. How is spit any better than whatever is on that kids face? Well when it's my spit - it is infinitely better than whatever foreign substance was on my daughter's face!

9) I will never put my finger in a diaper to check if its dirty.

Dipping your finger into the unknown crevices of a diaper is something that only a parent is willing to do. But it is slightly better than...

8) Picking a booger out of someone else's nose.

Endsley is still too small to figure out how to blow her nose. So when something is blocking her airway, it's mom to the rescue.

7) I will never use my clothing as a napkin.

You would think that with all of the burp rags and little towels we have around the house specifically for Endsley, this wouldn't be an issue. Yeah... think again. So far I have used my shirts (and pants) to catch spit up, pee, and poop. Spit up happens fairly often, and even with my burp rag ready and waiting, it manages to find my clothing more often than not. This may be a new mom thing. It could be something that happens less frequently with time. For now - I am the human burp rag.

Oh and as for the pee and poop... even little girls can tag you with their pee. And newborn poop flies like no other. At least I have mastered the diaper changes. It's been two weeks since my last disaster.

6) I will never update my Facebook status with my dilation progress.

This one was more for when I was pregnant, but hey, I was a parent while I was pregnant too! Before I was pregnant, I couldn't believe that people would post that on Facebook. I always thought, God that's disgusting. Don't you realize that is a part of you I don't wanna think about? Even though I was ecstatic for my friends - I really didn't want to see it on my Newsfeed. Too bad no one tells you that when you're the one that's about to have their baby, you have endured so many things by that time that nothing is TMI! (And never will be again).

Speaking of Facebook:

5) I will never incessantly post photos of my baby.

Guilty. Yes, I happen to think that my baby is the cutest thing to ever appear on this planet.

4) I will never be one of those parents that thinks their child is "so advanced for their age!"

This one always drove me nuts. I rolled my eyes whenever I would see "Omg my baby is so advanced for her age! She can do x, y, and z. Etc, etc." With a few child development and child psychology classes under my belt, I immediately discredited most of the milestones that friend's children had reached. Now that I'm a mommy - to hell with those classes! My baby IS advanced!

3) I will never ask a pregnant woman, "Are you ready for this?"

Ugh... shame, shame, shame on me! I HATED being asked this question when I was pregnant. And now I'm as guilty as ever. This question makes it sound like I don't enjoy being a mom, when it is the exact opposite. I adore being a mom to Endsley! But sometimes you hear things that first-timers say and part of you goes, "Just wait." So now I understand why I got that stupid question while I was pregnant. I still feel bad for asking it.

2) I will never breastfeed in public.

This is a very controversial issue here in the United States. I remember seeing a woman breastfeed her infant in the middle of a restaurant while I was pregnant with Endsley and wishing that she would cover up. The thought ran across my mind before I could stop it. This came from someone knowing that breastfeeding is natural, knowing that it is the best thing for a baby.

On comes the day when I'm in Target buying groceries and Endsley has a full meltdown. Nothing can console this kid! I pick her up out of her car seat, I rock her, I "shhhh" her, I try using my finger as a paci (she won't take a real paci)... and nothing works. I know she's hungry. But I also know that I left my nursing wrap at home. So with my screaming child in my ear, I head to the baby section in the store and pull out my boob. In retrospect I could have gone to the dressing rooms at least. Like I said, screaming child in my ear. I wasn't thinking all that clearly. And the baby aisle was much closer than the dressing rooms.

Lucky for me, my mom was with me. She found a nursing wrap in one the aisles and threw it over us. Amazingly, I couldn't have cared less at that point. My baby needed to eat and I fed her.

1) I will never have kids.

Ha!