The Lobby

Man, I have been meaning to write about last Friday for awhile now! But my weekend was all kinds of hectic and on top of all that, Endsley has her first cold. To say that I'm busy is an understatement. Luckily Endsley isn't running a fever and her main symptom is that she's restless and fussy. Which means mama has no hands to type! Chris put her on her tummy time mat and she is all sorts of happy while she looks at herself in the mirror. Baby is a little vain... but I wont say who she got it from ;)

On to the story!

Last week my mom told me that it was time for her six month follow-up for an abnormal mammogram she had. Needless to say, she was worried. Of course I would be too. So I offered to go with her to try and take her mind off of what we were doing. Friday morning, she comes to pick Endsley and I up from our house. My diaper bag is packed to the brim with extra onesies, bibs, diapers, wipes, etc. I hate packing so much - but it is literally impossible not to when you have a newborn.

We get to the clinic around 10:00 am and on my way in, I have my first encounter with a woman who wanted to talk to me about Endsley. I take her up in conversation and we chat for a bit about how wonderful babies are, her little milestones, weight, mom stuff. Not five minutes later, another woman comes up to me and we have the same conversation. And then another. And another. Okay, I understand, babies are cute and I have one. This is the role I am destined to play until she's a teenager and no one takes interest in us anymore.

I get a break for about ten minutes when an old man in his 70's comes up to us and we begin the same conversation I have just had with four other people. Then he touches Endsley's hands. My entire being cringed. This is the first time that a stranger has touched my baby. And she is only four (almost five) weeks old. It's bad enough that a stranger touched her, but it is a stranger in a medical clinic, which makes everything a million times worse.

Grandma to the rescue! She grabs a handful of hand sanitizer and bathes Endsley's hands in it. Crisis averted. Call us crazy - but little girl hasn't had any of her shots yet. I'm not taking any chances.

Right now it's about 10:30 and my mom finally gets called back to start her mammogram. This is about the time when Endsley gets hungry. Now, dear readers, Endsley is breastfed. She gets a bottle of expressed milk when Chris and I go out on dates and such, but other than that she is on the boob. This gets kind of tricky when you're in public. Especially when the gender ratio of the room suddenly shifts so that there are way more males than females. Which is exactly what happened.

I grab my nursing cover and drape it over us, whip out the boob, and pray that Endsley doesn't flail her arms around so that she pulls the cover off. Well - that's exactly what happened. And I'm pretty sure the guy sitting across from me totally saw my boob. I fix the cover and try again, this time Endsley cooperates and we are good to go! No one is talking to me, or touching Endsley, everything is wonderful.

Then a woman sits down next to me. She made me completely lose faith in the Texas public education system when she said "You know, it's funny how you can tell a kids personality when they're so young. By kindergarten I could tell who was going to grow up to be a slut and who would do drugs."

Guess who is going to private school?

Endsley, passed out in my lap with her first cold.

Never Say Never...

What's it like to take everything you said you would never do and manage to undermine yourself in one month? It's a little amazing - and pretty funny when it comes down to it. Lately, I have crossed off quite a few things I said I would never do as a parent.

10) I will never lick my thumb and clean my child's face with it.

Yeah this one was crossed off on Day One. I don't really consider myself to be a germaphobe by any means, but I always thought that was so gross. Seriously. How is spit any better than whatever is on that kids face? Well when it's my spit - it is infinitely better than whatever foreign substance was on my daughter's face!

9) I will never put my finger in a diaper to check if its dirty.

Dipping your finger into the unknown crevices of a diaper is something that only a parent is willing to do. But it is slightly better than...

8) Picking a booger out of someone else's nose.

Endsley is still too small to figure out how to blow her nose. So when something is blocking her airway, it's mom to the rescue.

7) I will never use my clothing as a napkin.

You would think that with all of the burp rags and little towels we have around the house specifically for Endsley, this wouldn't be an issue. Yeah... think again. So far I have used my shirts (and pants) to catch spit up, pee, and poop. Spit up happens fairly often, and even with my burp rag ready and waiting, it manages to find my clothing more often than not. This may be a new mom thing. It could be something that happens less frequently with time. For now - I am the human burp rag.

Oh and as for the pee and poop... even little girls can tag you with their pee. And newborn poop flies like no other. At least I have mastered the diaper changes. It's been two weeks since my last disaster.

6) I will never update my Facebook status with my dilation progress.

This one was more for when I was pregnant, but hey, I was a parent while I was pregnant too! Before I was pregnant, I couldn't believe that people would post that on Facebook. I always thought, God that's disgusting. Don't you realize that is a part of you I don't wanna think about? Even though I was ecstatic for my friends - I really didn't want to see it on my Newsfeed. Too bad no one tells you that when you're the one that's about to have their baby, you have endured so many things by that time that nothing is TMI! (And never will be again).

Speaking of Facebook:

5) I will never incessantly post photos of my baby.

Guilty. Yes, I happen to think that my baby is the cutest thing to ever appear on this planet.

4) I will never be one of those parents that thinks their child is "so advanced for their age!"

This one always drove me nuts. I rolled my eyes whenever I would see "Omg my baby is so advanced for her age! She can do x, y, and z. Etc, etc." With a few child development and child psychology classes under my belt, I immediately discredited most of the milestones that friend's children had reached. Now that I'm a mommy - to hell with those classes! My baby IS advanced!

3) I will never ask a pregnant woman, "Are you ready for this?"

Ugh... shame, shame, shame on me! I HATED being asked this question when I was pregnant. And now I'm as guilty as ever. This question makes it sound like I don't enjoy being a mom, when it is the exact opposite. I adore being a mom to Endsley! But sometimes you hear things that first-timers say and part of you goes, "Just wait." So now I understand why I got that stupid question while I was pregnant. I still feel bad for asking it.

2) I will never breastfeed in public.

This is a very controversial issue here in the United States. I remember seeing a woman breastfeed her infant in the middle of a restaurant while I was pregnant with Endsley and wishing that she would cover up. The thought ran across my mind before I could stop it. This came from someone knowing that breastfeeding is natural, knowing that it is the best thing for a baby.

On comes the day when I'm in Target buying groceries and Endsley has a full meltdown. Nothing can console this kid! I pick her up out of her car seat, I rock her, I "shhhh" her, I try using my finger as a paci (she won't take a real paci)... and nothing works. I know she's hungry. But I also know that I left my nursing wrap at home. So with my screaming child in my ear, I head to the baby section in the store and pull out my boob. In retrospect I could have gone to the dressing rooms at least. Like I said, screaming child in my ear. I wasn't thinking all that clearly. And the baby aisle was much closer than the dressing rooms.

Lucky for me, my mom was with me. She found a nursing wrap in one the aisles and threw it over us. Amazingly, I couldn't have cared less at that point. My baby needed to eat and I fed her.

1) I will never have kids.

Ha!

One Month

Today Endsley is one month old! And I can't help but think, "Where did this month go?" Is this what happens when you have kids? I feel like days have turned into hours, and while I could not be happier that my little girl is a whole month old, I'm already sad that she will never be this small again.

I have always, always, always been in a rush. Never have I been patient. Never have I truly enjoyed life in the moment. I have always looked forward to a later date. When I first found out I was pregnant - I already wanted to have a big bump to show off. When I finally had the bump, I wanted to have my daughter. The first week of her life I wanted her to be older so that things would be easier. And I guess now that she hit her first little milestone, it's finally starting to hit me. My life is starting to go by too quickly. I suddenly find myself wanting these days to last longer.

So Endsley, while you're taking your billionth nap of the day, I'm going to take some time to write down everything I can about your first month:

You were the most alert baby I have ever seen. The day you were born, I finally got to see a miracle. The day you were born, I cried harder than you did. The day you were born, you spent hours looking around at the new blurs of color that constituted your papa and I. We couldn't believe how long you were awake for. The day you were born, you were already holding your head up for a few seconds at a time. The day you were born, you impressed every nurse in Labor and Delivery by how well and how much you nursed. They called you "The Barracuda".

Papa and I couldn't take our eyes off of you, and I cried when the nurses had to take you to the nursery for your first bath and shots. I only let you go to the nursery twice, I couldn't stand to be away from you. I even slept propped up on my bed so that I could fall asleep holding you, but still be able to look like I had been awake if a nurse popped in.

We were all so excited (and nervous) to bring you home for the very first time. I had you in a dress and pink rose headband that my sorority sisters had given you at your baby shower. Chris and I were so nervous to strap you into your carseat that first time, you were so little. We drove home slower than we had ever driven. Your daddy stared down every car that got too close!

You were (and still are) such an easy baby. You eat, sleep, and poop. And you couldn't care less where you're sleeping! But you always prefer to be in our arms, you sleep best that way. By the way, you snore! I had never heard of a baby snoring, but it is the cutest thing I have ever heard. Every day you are more and more alert. You stare at things with such an intense look on your face. This past week you have started to recognize your papa's voice. Yesterday you even cried for him to hold you, and the second he did, you fell asleep.

You get stronger with every passing day. Your kicks propel you forward. So much so that I have to make sure there isn't anything for you to kick off of when I feed you. You move your head from side to side and hold it up for so long, you seem like you're a much older baby! You grasp onto my shirts, necklaces, and hair when you nurse. And you make piggy noises whenever you get frustrated.

Little girl, this past month has gone by too quickly. You have grown so much. But this past month has been, by far, the best time of my life.

I love you,
Mama