Endsley's Birth Story

My life began on June 11, 2011. That day (along with the day previous) will forever be cherished. It's the day that I got to meet my baby girl. It's the day that Chris and I became more than a couple, we became a family. There is no greater feeling than meeting your child.

Like a lot of new moms, I swore up and and down that I would have my baby naturally - zero medical interventions. That meant no epidural, no pitocin, no anything. I wanted to have her on my own.

Life had other plans.

On June 10th, I had (what would be last) doctor's appointment. I was miserable. I had been in early labor for weeks. I had been the hospital countless times. I had to have my contractions stopped twice. I was prescribed pain killers for my contractions so that I could at least sleep, which I was reluctant to take. But now that it was time for her to come out, she wouldn't. I was 100% effaced and had stalled out at 3 cm in dilation. After the incredible amount of contractions I was suffering through - I wanted to be progressing.

So I'm at the doctor's. I am pissed off. I am huge. I want my baby. Dr. Heyliger checks me to see if I had made any progress recently, she informs me that I am only dilated to a 1. WHAT?! No! I wanted to cry. The nurses who had checked me a few days earlier in triage had all told me that I was a 3! I didn't believe her. I completely ignored that I was supposedly only dilated to a 1.

Instead I asked if she would perform a membrane sweep. In all honesty, I was sure she would say no. We weren't exactly seeing eye to eye on most everything at this point in my pregnancy. I almost hated this woman.  I didn't even want her to deliver Endsley. I wanted Dr. Pearce to do it, he was the one I had been seeing up until recently. Well, to my surprise, she went for it!

For those of you who don't know what a membrane sweep is, it's when you have the amniotic sac pushed away from your cervix. This action can sometimes jump start labor without having to use pitocin. I was hopeful. It was pretty uncomfortable. Even Endsley squirmed in protest because Dr. Heyliger was messing with her head. But it was done quickly, thankfully. The doctor then asked me if I wanted to go ahead and schedule an induction date if this didn't work out. I hesitantly said yes, and set one up for June 20th, one day after my original due date of Father's Day.

I drove home and decided to take a nap. Or try at least. But first I had to go pee. This is when I felt the first gush of water come out, with a tinge of blood. I was told that this may happen and that the blood was normal from having my cervix messed with. So I tried to calm my fears and went to bed.

Luckily for me I passed out for a few hours. Chris was in San Marcos finishing packing up the rest of his old apartment. He had work that day, and only had about an hour to see me before he had to go to work. He woke me up and asked if I wanted to eat lunch with him before he left. Of course I said yes, I was constantly hungry. As I made my way out of the bed, I realized I was wet. I looked down and there was a big puddle of water in the middle of the bed. Oh crap.

I call Chris, who was already making his way down the hall, to come back into the room. I tell him that I'm pretty sure my water broke. He is not enthused. We had been to the Labor and Delivery so many times that it was annoying. He asked me if I was sure. I pointed to the bed. So we packed everything we needed, ate a quick lunch (chicken nuggets) and drove to the hospital. They tested me to see if it was my water that had broken - that test indicated that it hadn't.

I was stunned. I know I didn't pee myself. It SMELLED like amniotic fluid. I know the difference. But the test said otherwise. To this day, I feel like that test was wrong. To hell with that, I know that it was wrong. Whatever.

They decided to monitor me for a bit since I was having contractions, like always. It was suggested that I walk around the hospital. So we walked. For an hour. And then it was time to check me. The nurse who was working that day actually recognized me from our previous trip to Labor and Delivery. Lucky me. Because of this, she decided to keep me for another hour to see if anything changed. So we walked. For an hour. This time when I was checked I had made it! I was dilated to a 4! I was so happy. And then realization set in - we weren't leaving this hospital. We weren't going to go out and watch The Hangover 2 and have a nice dinner. We were going to have a baby. Holy. Shit.

So we grabbed our things, I sent Chris out to grab our hospital bags from the car, and we were walked down to our new room. Our new, big, fancy room. It was really nice. There was a big couch for Chris and family to sit on, a nice big bed for me, and a great TV.

I was comfortable. We called family to let them know we were having our baby sometime soon. We advised them to wait to visit until Chris called them later, when I was going to start pushing. Except for my mom and my brother. And his mom. They both came early.

Please excuse the fact that I looked like a beached whale.

At this point I was fine. My contractions were painful, but I was still talking my way through them. I was happy and energetic. A few hours pass, I am still dilating nicely. And then a nurse comes in and says that my doctor has ordered me to have an augmented birth. Augmented? I hadn't even heard the term until then. Apparently, I was to have my water broken and start pitocin simultaneously. I have NO IDEA why this was ordered. I still don't. I was progressing. Everything was fine. Why did we need to speed it up?

I'm not sure if it was me or Chris that agreed to have this done. I don't remember. But we agreed. I was hooked up to a pitocin bag while another nurse took what looked like a crochet needle and put it where the sun didn't shine. Gush! My water broke all over the place. And Endsley's heart rate plummeted.

My nurse looked panicked. I panicked. An oxygen mask was strapped to my face. I was turned over from side to side every few seconds. My stomach was massaged. I was told to breathe deeply. I was tearing up. I couldn't focus. This was all wrong.

And then her heart rate picked up. Things were normal. I told them to stop the pitocin, they had stopped it the second her heart rate dropped. No more pitocin.

The next few hours ... I'm not really sure what happened. I remember talking to Chris and his mom, trying to figure out why the hell my labor was augmented. I remember being upset, but trying to let that small hiccup go. I was refusing the epidural still. I had nurses ask me continuously when I wanted it. I didn't. Thanks. Then I felt a stabbing, rippling, total body pain that I had never experienced before. Every movement Endsley made was hell. There was no more cushion. The contractions wrapped around my entire body until I wanted to die. I gripped the railings of the bed and stopped talking. I breathed. I focused on my plan.

Chris stopped talking. His mom rubbed my back. This went on for a good while. The pain hit me over and over and over again. Until things really hit me - I wasn't enjoying this. At all. I always pictured my labor the way it started, lighthearted and fun. Where I was talking happily to my guests and excited. Currently I was curled around my bump, not speaking to anyone, barely breathing.

I got up. I walked around. I went to the restroom one last time. I withheld the urge to push. But I got the sensation. I understood where I was supposed to push, what muscles I needed to use. This was key. I am very glad that I waited as long as I did to get the epidural. It gave me a chance to understand what my contractions were.

Guess I spoiled that. I got the epidural. It took about a million times longer to place the needle because every contraction made me move. I couldn't stay in a ball like they wanted me to. I was almost breaking Chris's hand and he was holding me in the form the anesthesiologist needed me to be in. It was agonizing. I didn't feel anything in my back.

About 15 minutes later, I felt nothing at all. The contractions were gone. My labor was back where I wanted it to be. I made jokes. I felt good. I felt like things were in my control again. I could feel my legs, I could move them. The only difference was that I felt like I had a very nice and toasty blanket draped over my lower half. It was amazing. There wasn't even pressure with my contractions. I loved it.

Yep. I loved my epidural. Say what you will about medical interventions, they are a God-send.

I actually progressed faster after I got the epidural. In what felt like no time at all, it was time to push. I looked at Chris and was so nervous. I could tell he was too. We said our goodbyes to my brother and Chris's mom. I only wanted Chris and my mom in the room for support. I am so glad that Chris was happy to have my mom there. It was amazing to have both of them cheering me on.

At 12:15 am, June 11, I started to push. I couldn't feel my contractions, but I did get an urge to push. And because I had felt that feeling before I had an epidural, I knew exactly what I needed to do to get my baby out. We left the TV on. We forgot about our labor playlist. I don't even know what was on TV. I just wanted noise. I asked for water. I drank more water that day than I ever have in my entire life. My lips were dry. I was sweating. I could feel the blood rush to my head with every push.

Around 1 am, the doctor was called in. It was Dr. Pearce! The man I had wanted to deliver my baby was on call that night. I was so excited to see him. He cracked jokes the entire time he was there. A few pushes in, Endsley's head was almost out. He asked if I was okay with waiting to give my perineum time to stretch. I said of course. So we waited. He helped the stretching out a bit. And we waited some more. Then we decided, together, to push. And there she was! Her head was out! I pushed again, and my baby girl entered the world.

At 1:21 am, June 11, I finally met my baby girl. I still cry when I think about it. I cried harder than she did. She actually didn't cry at all for awhile. She was so alert. She just stared at me, and I stared back. Finally getting to hold my baby girl was the best feeling I have ever felt. There is no greater gift. No greater feeling. The moment that my life was complete.

6 months!

I cannot believe you're six months old today. I remember thinking that December was so, so far away. It's bittersweet. I am so happy that you are growing older, and even more excited that you are going to experience your first Christmas. But this is the halfway mark. In 6 more months you're doing to be a whole year old! The thought makes me want to cry. My Christmas wish this year? For the next six months to go by as slowly as possible.

We've done a bunch of stuff this month! We are working on getting out house together. I think it looks really well put together so far. I love it. I wish I could spend all of our money on decorations - especially Christmas decorations! We don't have much in the way of Christmas deco. But what we do have is really cute.

Speaking of cash, I have been slaving away with the launch of my new Etsy site! Best business decision I have made this year. I have made enough extra income to buy Chris a really great Christmas present and have spending cash for Endsley's gifts too. I got him an Xbox! How exciting is that? I guess I should tell y'all what I make. Baby leg warmers! Cute right? And totally easy. It's been tough work, and the orders are piling up the closer we get to Christmas. Hopefully things will slow down after the holidays because man! my hands hurt!

What I am super excited about though is buying Endsley her first Christmas gifts. My dad has bought her soooo many toys! I'm not sure what there is left to buy! My mom and the entire rest of my family (Uncles included) are all buying Endsley gifts too. We are so blessed to have such an amazing family. This baby will never be without toys and clothing!

I know I didn't write a Thanksgiving post. I have been so busy with Esty and Endsley that blogging has been near impossible. So I'm going to do that now. Please don't hate me for the extraordinarily long post.

Holidays have always been interesting since my parents divorced, remarried, and I started dating Chris. You know that movie "Four Christmases"? Terrible movie, but we basically have the same thing going on. If Chris's parents were to ever divorce - our life would be that movie. For every holiday, we celebrate three times. It's kind of ridiculous and it's always been stressful, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Well this year, we have a baby to add to the mix. If I thought that holidays were stressful before, I know have a child in tow that requires naps, extra outfits, diapers, wipes, toys, food, etc. The biggest thing I was (and still am) worried about is naps.

Babies need naps. Naps aren't this magical gift that just happen. Not with my kid anyway. They take planning, boobs, and hard work. So I was pleasantly surprised to find that as long as my boobs were around, she napped beautifully, even if she wasn't at our house. I'm not sure why I was so shocked - we lived at my dads for the first four months of her life. And luckily we celebrated with Chris's family so early in the day that a nap wasn't necessary. Yippee!

Nap time at my dad's. Boob time.

What did suck about Thanksgiving this year was not being to eat. I'll thank my super awesome dairy and soy free diet for that one. I wish so badly I had offered to host Thanksgiving at my house this year. At least that way I would have made everything and I would have been able to eat it all. Instead I made pies for everyone's house and then forget them at home. Ha! Mommy brain for you. Chris's house was torture. I couldn't eat anything there and it was my first stop of the day. Luckily my dad fried the turkey at his home in peanut oil - so I gorged myself there. After stopping by at my dad's (which is always my favorite stop) I met up with my mom and her best friend plus their families for my last Thanksgiving of the day. My mom made me special dairy and soy free food. Gotta love moms. Always planning ahead.

All in all it was a really great holiday. Aside from having to carry my gigantic diaper bag with a days worth of baby stuff. I'm excited to see what next year will be like!

And now for the part of my entry that's just for you, Endsley. Here is what this month was like in our home!

Your "official" 6 month photo.

• You rocked on your hands and knees for the first time. Belly off the ground and everything. My jaw dropped! You haven't showed any interest in crawling. I thought you would be walking first!
• I painted your toes for the first time. I freaked out about all of the chemicals in there and felt really bad about doing it. And then I had the dilemma of taking it off because nail polish remover is even worse. But I found out that toothpaste and perfume take nail polish off so I used those! Feel free to laugh at me when you read this. 

• You got your second tooth! Finally. I thought it was going to come in right after the first one but it decided to take it's sweet time. Those three weeks were terrible. You were in so much pain! Now you look even cuter. I am not sure how it's possible but it happens everyday. 
• You decided that biting me while you nurse is the cool new thing to do. It hurts so bad! You started doing it with the impending arrival of your first and second teeth. Now that they're over with, you're done biting. Thank. God. 
• Because of the biting and the dairy/soy allergies, I tried to wean you onto formula. And bottles. Have I mentioned how much you hate bottles? And formula? That day was so hard. Yes, day. I only tried for one day and gave up because it was so heart breaking! I love nursing you. 
• We made salt dough ornaments for your grandparents. They turned out so cute. You really liked sticking your feet and hands into the dough. It was fun to make them!

• You overturned a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips that you found on the couch and decided to eat them. You loved them.
• You also did this with some sugar cookies I left in the living for your papa and his friend. We found you walking around in your Jeep with a bunch of crumbs all over you and a cookie fragment in your tiny fist.

• We took really cute Christmas photos of you. 

• You have learned how to use a sippy! And you can also feed yourself (kinda). I am amazed by how much your dexterity improves everyday! 

• You balanced yourself on the ottoman in our living room. As in, you were standing up by yourself. That was amazing. You're so little still!
• We finally got you a high chair.
  

• Grandma taught you how to make piggy noises! It is the funniest thing ever!

• You tried your first banana.

This month has truly been amazing. I feel like you have grown so much! Ready to see the stats? At six months you are 27 inches long (in the 90th percentile!), 15 lbs 15 oz, and have a head circumference of 16 inches. You are long and lean baby! Depending on the onesie, your arms are too long for most of your long-sleeved 0-3 month onesies. I can still squeeze you into the short sleeved ones. And you are still wearing a size 2 diaper because you are a skinny minnie! I feel like you're super chunky and adorable though. Can't wait to see what you do this next month!

Stationery card

Wishes Of Love Christmas Card

Seasons greetings with personalized Christmas cards from Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

5 months! Almost half way there.

This might be a long post. SO much has happened this past month, it's been really hard to keep up with it all. Luckily, things have been really looking up for us as a family. It's so nice to finally have a bit of good luck.

The biggest news?

...

We got our own house!!! (Bet you thought I was gonna say I was pregnant again. Wrong.) Let me just say that I cannot be more excited about this. We finally have a home for our little family. I loved living with my parents, I did. My dad was very kind and more than generous to open his doors for us and welcomed our new family wholeheartedly. I will definitely miss living there. There was always someone around to talk to, and to watch Endsley while I ran to grab a shower.

That said, I am a little nervous to have a house all to myself. I say myself because Chris works for most of the day. I am worried that I wont be able to be a parent to Endsley alone. I know I'll do it, and do it well, but the thought is daunting. Since she was born I've always had help! I am blessed and spoiled.

Moving was pretty uneventful. I somehow managed to pack all of our belongings by myself. Pat on the back for that one! We're still getting things set up, but I am very proud of the progress we've made.

Did I ever mention that we finally figured out what was wrong with Endsley? I'm not even sure if I ever mentioned that we were having issues. If I have, then I am very sorry. Here's a quick recap: Endsley has had blood in her stool, mysterious body rashes, and upset stomach for as long as I can remember. She was diagnosed with salmonella (to my absolute horror) and figured that her symptoms would go away with time. They didn't. And salmonella didn't really encompass all of the symptoms she had. Turns out she has an allergy to dairy and soy! So I am now on a dairy and soy free diet.

It's been two weeks since I've started this new diet. It is NOT easy to do at first. Everything, literally everything, had dairy and/or soy in it. So all of the food I eat is fresh. Nothing can be pre-made. Not even pasta sauce! This has led me to eat an incredibly healthy mix of foods. It really wasn't easy at first, I hated it. All I wanted was a piece of chocolate. Luckily for me, I found out that you can still enjoy all of those awesome cookies (and even chocolate), all of the recipes just need a little tweaking. Since this discovery, things haven't been as hard.

On the bright side, I have dropped a ton of weight. I'm skinnier now than I was before I got pregnant! Yippee! On the down side, none of my clothes fit now. I need to go shopping.

Eh, I guess this isn't as long as I thought it would be!

Alright Endsley, onto your part of the story.

At 5 months you are:

• Eating food! We started out with oatmeal and then you got some apples, carrots, and green beans. You LOVE to eat! I can't get the food to you fast enough.

• So it's really good that you now have a tooth! You got your first tooth November 1st. We are eagerly (me especially) waiting on the arrival of your second tooth. It's so close!
• You're still working really hard on sitting up. You can't do it on your own quite yet, but you can stay up with a little help from a pillow or if I set you on the couch. 

• Have I mentioned that you are in LOVE with your feet? They're your new chew toys! I don't know why I bother buying you teething rings. 

• You still love to stand and pretend that you're all grown up. Which is why your grandma bought you a little Jeep so you can walk around the house! You're getting pretty good at moving in that thing. You love it so much. I can tell you like to be independent!
• You're still working on crawling as best you can. You scoot a few inches here and there. You love to move those little legs!

• You had your very first Halloween! You were a little ballerina and so was I. We walked around the neighborhood with your god mother and my mom. You liked the lights. We got some candy, but since you're a baby and I'm on this crazy soy and dairy free diet, it's just sitting in the pantry! I was so very excited for your first Halloween, but I can't wait until next year when you kind of have a handle on what's going on. You're going to be so excited! There's nothing more fun than Halloween. 

Well little girl, since we figured out why you had all of those tummy troubles, we actually haven't been to the doctor in awhile! So I don't know how much you weigh or how tall you are this month. Promise I'll have this update for you next month. I do know that you're still wearing your size 2 disposables and that your cloth diapers are getting more and more snug. I can still fit you in your 0-3 month onesies, depending on what store they're from. But you are getting so tall! I love you baby. 

4 months!

Endsley, stop growing.

I'm going to say it every day for the rest of my life. I love this little baby! I don't want her to grow up.

Yet here you are:

Being freaking adorable and all grown up.

Here's what you're doing this month:

• You're sitting up! Not totally on your own yet, but if I put you in a chair you sit just like a little lady. For a few seconds. You're definitely getting the hang of it though! I love it.
• You have definitely developed your own personality. You're "spicy" as your dad calls it. You have an attitude. If you don't like something - you definitely let us know. Mainly though, you are just as happy as you can possibly be!

• You eat everything. Everything goes in your mouth. Doesn't matter what it is. Goes in the mouth.
• You roll over from back to belly and from belly to back like a pro. Except for awhile there, you were pretty content on your belly so you didn't roll over to your back for a long time. Even when you got mad.

• You scoot backwards! If I put you on the floor, you slowly inch your way farther and farther back. It's so exciting watching you move.

• You mimic us. Which is how you learned to stick your tongue out. Oops!!
• You give "arms" for us. If you're in your chair or on the floor, you stick your arms up for someone to pick you up. You also do it if I'm carrying you and you get tired of me. Or if someone else is carrying you and you want to go to me, you give me arms. It is heartwarming.

You are 14 lbs and 0.5 oz and almost 25 inches tall. You're still slowly growing out of your 0-3 month clothes and into larger sizes. You wear a size 2 diaper now and I have had to move the snaps over on your cloth diapers. (Gross! Hehe, did I not mention that we cloth diaper?) You are getting so big. Your personality is amazing, watching you blossom into your own little person is the best thing ever.

3 Months Old!

Endsley, baby girl, today you're 3 months old! I'll be saying this every month until you're 1, and every year after, but I cannot believe how fast time is flying. You're SUCH a big girl! I swear you think you're all grown up. Please do mommy a favor and slow down. If I can impart one piece of advice to you, it would be to stay a child for as long as you can and savor every minute of it.

Here's what you're doing this month:

• You are LAUGHING! Full blown belly laughs. You laugh at everyone. Especially your Papa and your Uncles, you think boys are funny! Of course you wouldn't do it on camera...

• You can roll over! You're still getting the hang of it. But when you get tired of being on your tummy you just move your head, kick your legs, and roll over to your back. It sounds easier than it really is. It takes you awhile but you get better every time you do it.

• You scoot yourself in full circles. You kick your legs back towards you and then you push them out. You end up moving yourself all over the place. It's pretty impressive.
• You have a new love for the show Yo Gabba Gabba, you seriously go into a trance when we turn it on. Wanna know a secret? I love it too.

• See yourself up there? Kicking your legs furiously? Well you learned how to SPLASH in the tub! You love bath time so much. I didn't know babies could make such big waves but you have perfected the art.
• You also fart in your sleep... But i promise I won't share that with any future boyfriends or girlfriends. Cross my heart.

• You grab everything. Hair, clothes, toys, everything. You have stuffed animal friends (like Yoshi) that you hug and you love anything that rattles or makes noise.

• You are 13.2 lbs, 24.5 inches tall, and are in size 2 diapers@ You are outgrowing your 3mo onesies and are moving onto 3-6mo and 6mo clothes! You're in the 75th percentile for your weight and 90th for your height. We cannot wait to see what you'll surprise us with next mama!

Recap of the ... Month.

Sorry to say, but I am kind of doing a horrible job living up to my promise of posting blogs more frequently. I read somewhere that if you do something for 21 days, it becomes a habit. Currently I'm trying to do this with running. I think I mentioned this in my last blog. But if I didn't - I'm getting back into running! And it's going really well.

I tried using the Couch to 5k App but found that I largely ignored when I was told to run and when I was told to walk. Once I get into a good running groove, I'm not about to stop and power walk. C'mon. So I've just been running and walking at my own leisure and it's working out great. My first day I ran a whole mile! I didn't think I would last that long. My little mile felt like a whole marathon to me. I would have jumped up and down in sheer joy when I made it back home if my legs weren't about to fall off.

All of this running deserves a reward though, right? Right. So I decided to go to Plato's Closet (my favorite thrift store) with my mom and Endsley this week. I found a pair of True Religion skinny jeans that I was certain were too small and were going to leave me with a terrible muffin top. Apparently I am way to harsh on myself. They fit perfectly.

So I am ecstatic at this point because I have been dying for a pair of nice jeans. My mom is trying stuff on so I take Endsley and sit down on the little bench they have in front of the dressing rooms. And then Endsley gets really quiet. And then I feel her tensing up. And then I hear a very loud fart and she definitely just pooped. This sucks because I forgot my wipes at home. There's a Target next door so I figured I would pay for my jeans and walk on over there to buy wipes. I am about two seconds away from getting up when I feel something warm and wet running down my thigh. Endsley is peeing through her diaper! I grab a burp rag and clean the bench and notice that it's not just pee, there's bright green poo too.

Dear readers, there is no bathroom in this store.

With my mom, we manage to pay for our things and high tail it over to Half Price Books where, luckily, they have a bathroom. Yay! I'm holding Endsley in the classic "must not touch diaper for fear of more fluids leaking out" hold. The plan is to give Endsley a bath. Amazingly, this particular bathroom has a huge sink and nice smelling soap. The water is nice and warm. The hard part is getting Endsley under the water without touching ANYTHING because we're in a public restroom and that is gross.

So I grab a million paper towels and wrap her in them and then lay her down on the other two million paper towels that I used to protect her from the gross diaper changing station. This has worked! Endsley is clean! During her bath, someone tried opening the door three times. And now she wants to nurse. Like right now. Boob time.

When we're finally done, I open the door and see the woman who has been trying to open the door to the bathroom the entire time that I'm in there. She was probably on the verge of peeing herself. I lift Endsley up and smile apologetically at the woman, she is not pleased. This is probably the meanest looking old lady that I have ever encountered. I'm not sure why she was so upset, you'd think she would understand considering she was probably wearing diapers herself.

That was mean.

I guess I should warn you, though you've probably figured this out on your own by this point, that this post is not going to flow together nicely and it's going to largely consist of all of the random stories that I have wanted to post but haven't gotten around to it.

That said - I cut my hair! Two weeks ago... Everyone asked me "Oh is this your mommy cut?" No. It's not. It's my "The high is 108 today so I decided that having less hair is way more beneficial for me." Did I convince any of you?

Okay I'm sorry but Endsley is being really cute and I'm super distracted by her right now. I'm ending my post. I'll get around to posting another tomorrow for Endsley's 3 month update!