Like a lot of new moms, I swore up and and down that I would have my baby naturally - zero medical interventions. That meant no epidural, no pitocin, no anything. I wanted to have her on my own.
Life had other plans.
On June 10th, I had (what would be last) doctor's appointment. I was miserable. I had been in early labor for weeks. I had been the hospital countless times. I had to have my contractions stopped twice. I was prescribed pain killers for my contractions so that I could at least sleep, which I was reluctant to take. But now that it was time for her to come out, she wouldn't. I was 100% effaced and had stalled out at 3 cm in dilation. After the incredible amount of contractions I was suffering through - I wanted to be progressing.
So I'm at the doctor's. I am pissed off. I am huge. I want my baby. Dr. Heyliger checks me to see if I had made any progress recently, she informs me that I am only dilated to a 1. WHAT?! No! I wanted to cry. The nurses who had checked me a few days earlier in triage had all told me that I was a 3! I didn't believe her. I completely ignored that I was supposedly only dilated to a 1.
Instead I asked if she would perform a membrane sweep. In all honesty, I was sure she would say no. We weren't exactly seeing eye to eye on most everything at this point in my pregnancy. I almost hated this woman. I didn't even want her to deliver Endsley. I wanted Dr. Pearce to do it, he was the one I had been seeing up until recently. Well, to my surprise, she went for it!
For those of you who don't know what a membrane sweep is, it's when you have the amniotic sac pushed away from your cervix. This action can sometimes jump start labor without having to use pitocin. I was hopeful. It was pretty uncomfortable. Even Endsley squirmed in protest because Dr. Heyliger was messing with her head. But it was done quickly, thankfully. The doctor then asked me if I wanted to go ahead and schedule an induction date if this didn't work out. I hesitantly said yes, and set one up for June 20th, one day after my original due date of Father's Day.
I drove home and decided to take a nap. Or try at least. But first I had to go pee. This is when I felt the first gush of water come out, with a tinge of blood. I was told that this may happen and that the blood was normal from having my cervix messed with. So I tried to calm my fears and went to bed.
Luckily for me I passed out for a few hours. Chris was in San Marcos finishing packing up the rest of his old apartment. He had work that day, and only had about an hour to see me before he had to go to work. He woke me up and asked if I wanted to eat lunch with him before he left. Of course I said yes, I was constantly hungry. As I made my way out of the bed, I realized I was wet. I looked down and there was a big puddle of water in the middle of the bed. Oh crap.
I call Chris, who was already making his way down the hall, to come back into the room. I tell him that I'm pretty sure my water broke. He is not enthused. We had been to the Labor and Delivery so many times that it was annoying. He asked me if I was sure. I pointed to the bed. So we packed everything we needed, ate a quick lunch (chicken nuggets) and drove to the hospital. They tested me to see if it was my water that had broken - that test indicated that it hadn't.
I was stunned. I know I didn't pee myself. It SMELLED like amniotic fluid. I know the difference. But the test said otherwise. To this day, I feel like that test was wrong. To hell with that, I know that it was wrong. Whatever.
They decided to monitor me for a bit since I was having contractions, like always. It was suggested that I walk around the hospital. So we walked. For an hour. And then it was time to check me. The nurse who was working that day actually recognized me from our previous trip to Labor and Delivery. Lucky me. Because of this, she decided to keep me for another hour to see if anything changed. So we walked. For an hour. This time when I was checked I had made it! I was dilated to a 4! I was so happy. And then realization set in - we weren't leaving this hospital. We weren't going to go out and watch The Hangover 2 and have a nice dinner. We were going to have a baby. Holy. Shit.
So we grabbed our things, I sent Chris out to grab our hospital bags from the car, and we were walked down to our new room. Our new, big, fancy room. It was really nice. There was a big couch for Chris and family to sit on, a nice big bed for me, and a great TV.
I was comfortable. We called family to let them know we were having our baby sometime soon. We advised them to wait to visit until Chris called them later, when I was going to start pushing. Except for my mom and my brother. And his mom. They both came early.
Please excuse the fact that I looked like a beached whale.
At this point I was fine. My contractions were painful, but I was still talking my way through them. I was happy and energetic. A few hours pass, I am still dilating nicely. And then a nurse comes in and says that my doctor has ordered me to have an augmented birth. Augmented? I hadn't even heard the term until then. Apparently, I was to have my water broken and start pitocin simultaneously. I have NO IDEA why this was ordered. I still don't. I was progressing. Everything was fine. Why did we need to speed it up?
I'm not sure if it was me or Chris that agreed to have this done. I don't remember. But we agreed. I was hooked up to a pitocin bag while another nurse took what looked like a crochet needle and put it where the sun didn't shine. Gush! My water broke all over the place. And Endsley's heart rate plummeted.
My nurse looked panicked. I panicked. An oxygen mask was strapped to my face. I was turned over from side to side every few seconds. My stomach was massaged. I was told to breathe deeply. I was tearing up. I couldn't focus. This was all wrong.
And then her heart rate picked up. Things were normal. I told them to stop the pitocin, they had stopped it the second her heart rate dropped. No more pitocin.
The next few hours ... I'm not really sure what happened. I remember talking to Chris and his mom, trying to figure out why the hell my labor was augmented. I remember being upset, but trying to let that small hiccup go. I was refusing the epidural still. I had nurses ask me continuously when I wanted it. I didn't. Thanks. Then I felt a stabbing, rippling, total body pain that I had never experienced before. Every movement Endsley made was hell. There was no more cushion. The contractions wrapped around my entire body until I wanted to die. I gripped the railings of the bed and stopped talking. I breathed. I focused on my plan.
Chris stopped talking. His mom rubbed my back. This went on for a good while. The pain hit me over and over and over again. Until things really hit me - I wasn't enjoying this. At all. I always pictured my labor the way it started, lighthearted and fun. Where I was talking happily to my guests and excited. Currently I was curled around my bump, not speaking to anyone, barely breathing.
I got up. I walked around. I went to the restroom one last time. I withheld the urge to push. But I got the sensation. I understood where I was supposed to push, what muscles I needed to use. This was key. I am very glad that I waited as long as I did to get the epidural. It gave me a chance to understand what my contractions were.
Guess I spoiled that. I got the epidural. It took about a million times longer to place the needle because every contraction made me move. I couldn't stay in a ball like they wanted me to. I was almost breaking Chris's hand and he was holding me in the form the anesthesiologist needed me to be in. It was agonizing. I didn't feel anything in my back.
About 15 minutes later, I felt nothing at all. The contractions were gone. My labor was back where I wanted it to be. I made jokes. I felt good. I felt like things were in my control again. I could feel my legs, I could move them. The only difference was that I felt like I had a very nice and toasty blanket draped over my lower half. It was amazing. There wasn't even pressure with my contractions. I loved it.
Yep. I loved my epidural. Say what you will about medical interventions, they are a God-send.
I actually progressed faster after I got the epidural. In what felt like no time at all, it was time to push. I looked at Chris and was so nervous. I could tell he was too. We said our goodbyes to my brother and Chris's mom. I only wanted Chris and my mom in the room for support. I am so glad that Chris was happy to have my mom there. It was amazing to have both of them cheering me on.
At 12:15 am, June 11, I started to push. I couldn't feel my contractions, but I did get an urge to push. And because I had felt that feeling before I had an epidural, I knew exactly what I needed to do to get my baby out. We left the TV on. We forgot about our labor playlist. I don't even know what was on TV. I just wanted noise. I asked for water. I drank more water that day than I ever have in my entire life. My lips were dry. I was sweating. I could feel the blood rush to my head with every push.
Around 1 am, the doctor was called in. It was Dr. Pearce! The man I had wanted to deliver my baby was on call that night. I was so excited to see him. He cracked jokes the entire time he was there. A few pushes in, Endsley's head was almost out. He asked if I was okay with waiting to give my perineum time to stretch. I said of course. So we waited. He helped the stretching out a bit. And we waited some more. Then we decided, together, to push. And there she was! Her head was out! I pushed again, and my baby girl entered the world.
At 1:21 am, June 11, I finally met my baby girl. I still cry when I think about it. I cried harder than she did. She actually didn't cry at all for awhile. She was so alert. She just stared at me, and I stared back. Finally getting to hold my baby girl was the best feeling I have ever felt. There is no greater gift. No greater feeling. The moment that my life was complete.
